When the reality of aging loved ones hits home

Labyrinth of Hope from Johns Hopkins University Interfaith Council

Almost daily for the past month or so, I’ve gotten an “aging alert” article about using the holidays to check on one’s aging parents. It’s the perfect time, the authors say, to evaluate how well older adults are doing in their current living situations.

This year, the message became more than academic for me. My sister called the day before Christmas Eve to say that Mom, who lives in independent senior apartments, wasn’t doing well. Pain from arthritis in her spine was making it hard for her to walk, and her anxiety was soaring. With those triggers, she was becoming confused.

I drove up a day earlier than planned and stayed a day longer, feeling grateful that my kids were old enough to have their Christmas usurped without feeling resentment.

Trying to get information and make arrangements over the holidays is a nightmare. But because Mom lives in a retirement community with multiple levels of care, we were able to get an assessment for assisted living today. If all goes well, she will move to a place that’s familiar to her and where she’ll feel safer and get the help she needs on Monday.

We are all feeling a little stunned, apprehensive, and relieved right now. The pieces seem to be sliding into place as well as possible.

Some random thoughts:

• We who live in Milwaukee are so fortunate to have sources of information and assistance that aren’t available in smaller communities.
• I’m so grateful to the social workers and home care managers who return calls even on Christmas day. Your service in allaying anxiety and helping people think through next steps is incredibly valuable.
• While many of us hope to see more “catered” home care delivered in people’s homes and independent apartments, the model of senior apartments-assisted living-skilled nursing on one campus still has a tremendous amount to offer.

To all of you who take care of our older adults, creating safe home for them wherever they are, deepest thanks. It truly takes a community to support us throughout our lives.