Won't you be my neighbor?

This weekend my neighborhood in Wauwatosa was shaken by a terrible event. A house exploded, probably owing to gas buildup, killing its owner and damaging other buildings nearby. I was walking my dog about a mile away when it happened, and a postcard from the woman I later learned had died fell out of the sky in front of me. It included a hand-written list of things she wanted to remember to discuss with her doctor.

I don’t know whether her age, 80, played any role in what happened. But I can’t help wondering whether she was doing well enough at home, whether she had the kind of long-term care help she might have needed from time to time to remain healthy and safe.

The day before I had attended “Won’t you be my neighbor,” a wonderful presentation on the Connecting Caring Communities (CCC) pilot program in helping Milwaukee County communities become “elder friendly.”

To make the communities more livable, the program connects older adults with people, organizations, and businesses in the area. And that’s an important part of what long-term care is about.

CCC is supported by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Community Partnerships for Older Adults Initiative, along with local support from the Helen Bader, Faye McBeath, and Greater Milwaukee foundations. The Milwaukee Aging Consortium is a CCC partner, and our Caregiver Retention Project is also part of the grant.

The program, organized by project director Stephanie Sue Stein, presented the first two Milwaukee neighborhoods, Layton Boulevard and Sherman Park, in which unique connections have been made, and introduced the next ones underway: Prospect/Farwell Corridor and West Allis-West Milwaukee.

But Connecting Caring Communities isn’t stopping there: everyone attending was asked to get involved in continuing the momentum in our own neighborhoods.

Milwaukee CCC has developed a guide to elder-friendly community development. It's called, of course, Won't You Be My Neighbor? A Guide to Connecting Caring Communities. If you’re interested in getting copies—or helping your own neighborhood become “connected”--contact Alice Kowalski, Milwaukee County Department on Aging, 414/289-5973.

Close to home

There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers; those who will be caregivers; those who will need caregivers.

Oh boyhowdy, was Rosalynn Carter right about that!

There’s another group, though: those of us who should – or would like to - be caregivers but can’t and feel guilty about it.

I’m in that group. While Mom lives independently in senior apartments, she can’t drive anymore and needs help with transportation and other things. Because she lives in Oshkosh, and because I’m a sandwicher with kids still at home, my sister and niece share the privilege and responsibility. I know my sister is overwhelmed sometimes, and tired often.

A friend of mine e-mailed me today to explain that she wasn’t coming to our women’s group meeting tonight because she was in California. Her mother had a bad fall and had been having a rocky recuperation.

I'm flying back to Milwaukee Wednesday. My sister-in-law will be here for a couple of days. The big question then becomes whether or not Mom and William will accept the amount of home-health assistance Mom really requires for as long as she requires it.

Concerns about caregiving are everywhere, if you talk to people long enough. Without a “seamless” system of caregiving, everyone has to figure out how to patch together a net of help that eventually goes beyond family and friends.

The umbrella name for all that’s needed, I’ve recently learned, is longterm care. I used to think that meant nursing homes!

In Milwaukee County, we’re fortunate to have Connecting Caring Communities to help in “developing partnerships to improve long term care and supportive services systems to meet the current and future needs of older adults” and in getting the word out on longterm care.

And then there's Elderlink, a great centralized source of information and assistance. Calling 414-289-6874 opens the doors of information to the county's older people and those who are helping them.

Maybe later we can talk about the two elephants in the room when we're on the subject of caregivers this subject. The first is public policy for a national system of caregiving: there isn’t one.

The second is gender: caregiving is largely a woman’s issue. The white paper Caregiving in America, prepared in conjunction with the Caregiving Project for Older Americans and available online, found that 90% of unpaid caregivers are women. And most of the people they care for are women. Especially when you enter the domain of the old old, those over age 85.

Mom, if you're reading this: you don't look old old, though I know sometimes you feel it.